Hello fellow Joy Seekers,
“You don’t have to move a mountain, just keep moving”
Celine Dion
Inspired by my friend Jessica and her wonderful feedback on my last post here continues my “Finding Joy : In” series. Following on from last week’s post “Finding Joy In childhood nostalgia” this week is all about “Finding Joy in our wellness”.
On my quest to fill my forties with as much JOY as is possible, I’ve come to understand that a huge part of that starts on the inside. I need to feel joyful in my mind and body to be able to live a joyful life.
So this week I’m going to share some of the steps I’m making to feel Joyful in my mind and body. Perhaps they might inspire you? But I’m also sharing as a reminder to myself in case I start to tell myself again “I’m too busy and I don’t have time”. I need this as written proof to myself how that story no longer fits and how important making time for wellness is. It’s not a luxury it’s a vital part of my every day routine. If I wish to embody a joyful existence.
Back in April I downloaded the Peloton app to “see what all the fuss” was about and in a bid to feel better in my body and it has been life changing. A dramatic statement you may perhaps think?
(My first run in April - in our “gym” aka the garage!)
Running became my therapy in my mid thirties as a way to navigate my grief after experiencing multiple miscarriages. And to try and find a way to make peace with my body. Then life got in the way and I stopped exercising telling myself I didn’t have time. I was trying to parent and start my own business and there was never enough hours in the day.
At the end of last year In a cruel twist of fate just days after I told my husband I was excited to start my forties and to leave the heartache of my thirties behind. (They were filled with trying and failing to have babies, unexplained infertility and three miscarriages). That I felt at peace at last with us not having any more children. (Not through choice but through circumstance and finally reaching a point of acceptance). I found myself staring at a positive pregnancy test in utter disbelief.
I was angry I’d allowed myself to get into this position. I was utterly shocked. I didn’t know if I could go through any more heartache. I was in panic mode. This was not part of “the plan”.
I told my husband and he was overjoyed (he’s not one to follow the plans!) I then started to wonder if this was our “miracle”. So out of the blue, so unexpected. We were finally getting our miracle ending, the one where we defied the odds so heavily stacked against us. I tried not to get too far ahead. I tried not to believe. But deep down I hoped this time might just be different.
It wasn’t. At seven weeks we were told our babies heart was slowing down and that they were not going to survive. Then began an agonising wait for her heart to stop beating. (I don’t know if she was a girl but in my mind she was). Followed by surgery. But this time I had the grief of my six year old daughter as well, as we told her what was happening. I felt it was important to be honest with her. I want her to know she’s a part of everything that happens in our family and that in return she can tell us anything. My heart broke at the loss of another baby and completely shattered having to tell my daughter who so desperately wants to be a big sister. It was devastating. I broke her heart. She now cries “it’s not fair” at pregnancy announcements just like I did for so long. And all I can reply is I know it’s truly not fair and that I feel all of the emotions she does too. It’s honestly been the hardest part of this all.
I fell into a hole of grief but this time I had a full time incredibly demanding job, a six year old who needed me to pull out the birthday and Christmas magic like never before. A husband who was going through his own grief at having just lost someone very close to him. There was no time to process. It was about surviving and just getting through each day.
But I felt it in every part of me. I was so deeply unhappy. My body once again felt alien to me. I’d put on weight. I felt disconnected. I had to go back to basics - what helped last time. Running.
So in April I downloaded the peloton app and I started running. I thought I would be terrible I’d not run in almost two years. I’d told myself I didn’t have time. Now I knew I had to prioritise the time. Running is my peace - it’s the only time I cannot think of anything else. My mind gets a break because I’m so focused on getting through the run I cannot think of anything else. I was hooked on running again but this time following a running class on a treadmill an American instructor shouting words of encouragement at “me”, making me believe I could do it and that “I wasn’t done yet”. Mixed with brilliant music and the letting go of what was coming next because the instructor would guide me, I was hooked. Then I added weights to my workouts and the buzz of strength training and lifting heavy weights. After telling myself I was weak and my body was worthless I can feel myself feeling stronger and more confident in my body once more. I’ve also stated taking yoga classes again and the guided sleep meditations are brilliant at switching off before sleep. I’m about to start my fifth month of showing up consistently for my body and mind and it feels bloody amazing.
I love that I can work out at home, at a time that fits me. I don’t have to go anywhere or talk myself out of going! I don’t need childcare because my daughter can be there alongside me. If I finish work later I can do a shorter work out. There are no longer excuses as to why I can’t.
And whilst my body and mind feel so much more at peace with one another, I also know I need to support my body through this next chapter “peri menopause”. (Which feels crazy to write or admit that I’m in “mid life” when I feel like I only just turned 18! But there we go). I’m feeling the changes hitting my body and whilst exercise is having a huge impact I’m still experiencing;
anxiety
trouble staying asleep
brain fog which is hugely impacting my self confidence. I hate feeling so unable to focus and retain important information.
bloating (foods I could once eat I no longer can. Leading to periods of pain and discomfort that can go on for days.)
my cycles are getting shorter and are changing.
the week before my period I’m becoming so short tempered and I feel so angry at times I feel like my blood is boiling. The rage is real.
struggling to lose the “pouch” around my lower abdomen (left behind from my pregnancies) despite exercising and changing my diet. (It feels vain to write that in a time when we should accept our bodies as they are and also I’m so proud that, that pouch grew my rainbow but as it’s no longer required I’d like to gain some control over it.)
my skin is starting to have more breakouts and I’m not going to lie I feel apprehensive about the changes it’s starting to show, more fine lines, lack of elasticity (hi double chin!)
It feels that to life a truly joyful life I need to feel joyful from the inside out I also need to support my hormones and my exercise with the right tools. So I’m about to embark on my next adventure at finding peace and joy in my body by starting a thirty day trail of new supplements. Am I expecting too much?
I discovered LIMINAL as one of my friends shared about this wonderful brand and how much their formulations had helped her. I had a look and was intrigued.
I took the online questionnaire to see which formulations would be best to support me and ordered the following;
Mood Food
Gut- Instinct
Peri- Boost
It’s worth noting that these supplements aren’t “cheap” but are an investment. I got 30% off my first order and you can subscribe and save each month too (which I’ve not done as yet). But this definitely feels an investment in my wellbeing. Something which I don’t think always comes naturally to many of us? It can often feel as though we are being “extravagant” or perhaps “selfish” to spend money on our wellness? But to be the best version of ourselves I feel wellbeing is an integral part of our lives.
I then got sent a survey to complete my symptom tracker, which I will complete each week over the next thirty days and then I’ll be sent a report at the end.
There’s also a health concierge team who get in touch and are on hand to support you. An invitation only community where you can connect with others. And when you subscribe to monthly deliveries you also have access to 1:1 consultations, events and masterclasses. A journal packed full of insightful articles and recipes, I even received a personal message from the team. Safe to say I’m already feeling that this is a very different brand and that they aren’t just there to sell but to fully support you. It feels a rare and unique customer experience so far. I hope I’m not just caught up in the “hype” and glossy website! But as they say the proof is in the pudding…! Or in this case the supplements!
So on Friday the 2nd of August I started my thirty day exploration to see if I can start to find my joy from with in and truly feel better in my body and mind. I’ll track as I go and will report back in a month to share my findings. Just in case this is of interest to anyone else who’s contemplating their own wellness journey. Obviously we are all unique and it’s about finding our own unique recipe but with so many options available it can feel a little overwhelming where to start!
We also need to discuss at a later stage the power of a cold shower to joyfully start the day!! But I’m conscious I’ve already written rather a lot for one day, so I shall leave it there for today!
Here’s to being inquisitive and finding our own joy from the inside out!
Wow Lucy - this felt like a huge and heartfelt post. I've only just had the chance to read it. (I've been storing up my Substack reads for a while, and today was the day over my Sunday morning coffee.) I absolutely love this journey you're on. Keep writing, keep sharing, and I'll keep reading! xxx